You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
