you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He better not be in your backpack
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
