well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
