Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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