My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
