I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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