Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
birth control should be required to get into college
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
