No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
