new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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