This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
