So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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