My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
