I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize