did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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