the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize