There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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