Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
