at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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