the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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