for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
