I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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