If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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