She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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