She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
40s are totally the cure
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
