She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
