you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
