Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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