Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
