we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
