He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
