I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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