so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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