It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
