I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
