I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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