Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
