His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Gay?
German.
Pity.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize