these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
