I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
