I'm going to jail i love you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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