did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
