Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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