take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
