You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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