He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
