Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
