Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
