its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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