I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
