I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
