In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
