You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
