I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
