dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
