Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
