I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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