a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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