C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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