Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
