I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize