Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
its liver damage thursday
Randomize